Tonight was hard - the fam ordered pizza, and that is one of my real weaknesses. I really almost cried that I couldn't have any, but I dealt with it and chugged my protein shake instead. I cut up Lily's pizza, but didn't even lick my fingers - that's self control. She ate more than normal - probably trying to make up for mommy.
I have heard a lot of people say that people that are "fat" are lazy, or that they don't have self-control. Well, let me explain it from my perspective.
I have been aware that I was larger than other children since that day in 3rd grade when Larry Mosier called me a whale.
I remember getting a physical for the first time in 6th grade for sports and weighing more than my friends. While the other girls compared their numbers, I kept mine to myself and hoped no one would ask me.
me in 6th grade
this was 9th or 10th grade - I don't feel like I looked that much larger than the other girls - even though I felt like it at the time.
Even though I wasn't even attempting to diet until late high school, my weight is something that stressed me for as long as I can remember. Then the dieting started and has continued for over 10 years. It's tiring. Maybe that is just an excuse too, but it's been my reality.
I don't believe in yo-yo diets. They pretty much all work - I've tried most of them. I believe in yo-yo people. When you are someone who struggles with your weight, and you have to diet constantly, sometimes it just gets old. Sometimes it's nice not to have to worry about food, or think about it so much. That's why the more unhealthy foods are comforting - because for the time you are eating it you get to throw caution to the wind and just not stress about it.
So tonight I didn't eat the pizza. And I have lost 11 pounds in the past 3 days of all liquids. That's really good, I know. But, all I really think about is how much I wish I could have pizza. Ha. I would feel silly, except I know there are probably many who know how I feel.
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