April 4, 2012

Today I have started my all-liquid diet. Having my last coke (for pretty much the rest of my life) last night was really surreal. We went to a japanese steakhouse for my last meal. I ate beaucoups of rice, and kept thinking, "I will never be able to eat this much rice again."

I will be on liquids, then tranisitioning to purees for the next 5 weeks.

But I woke up excited, went to the fridge, and chugged my first protein shake. I bought 20 french vanilla protein shakes last night, since I have to drink 4 a day for the next 5 days. People who know me know I don't need variety :)

Sunday I put Lily's headband on that she had flung off and said that maybe I should just wear it. It was supposed to be a joke, but Clay got really serious and said somehting to the effect of, "You should. It looks really cute. You don't think you can wear cute things, but you can."
There are times in my life such as this where I have believed that I am beautiful to certain people in the moment. My hope is that one day down the line there will be a post where I can say that I think I am beautiful. I'm pretty sure I have only ever thought I had the "potential to be beautiful."

That same Sunday at Life Group, Clay was really in the mood to talk. There was a lot of discussion and he had something to say every time. I had to physically restrain myself a few times from elbowing him in the ribs to be quiet. The weight gain recently has made it so that I don't really like to be seen by even the people that know and care about me. And the fact that people kept looking in my direction was causing a large amount of anxiety. They would probably think I was crazy if they knew.

But, my first thought this morning was that the gain is over - there will be only weight loss from today forward. That is exciting :)